I am watching a BBC documentary titled "My Big Breasts and Me." Wow, public television is so much better across the pond! (I can't masturbate to Antiques Roadshow. Not most of the time anyway.)
Headline: "Pope John Paul II whipped himself." Oh, come on, it's not *that* weird; he just didn't have a woman to do it like the rest of us.
Girlfriend, waking from nap: "In my dream I gave you a blow job." Me: "The great thing about America is you can make dreams become reality."
A college student asked me if it's wrong to drink alone. "Dude, you're in college," I replied. "Alcoholism doesn't exist until you turn 30."
Ideals can make you a human; ideology will make you an animal.