"Beckerman uses the deft and subtle touch of a sledgehammer. ... If you can read [him] and not enjoy it, then there's a good chance you take yourself too seriously."
—Christian Lander, bestselling author of Stuff White People Like
Columns
= personal favorites
= legendary
- Spermboarded

- Hi, I'm Marty, and I'm a recovering Republican

- Kill Fatty: A Modestly Sized Proposal

- Worst Decade Ever

- Five Ways to Spend Your Time When You Get Fired: A Helpful Guide for the Newly Suicidal
- An interview with David Duchovny

- An interview with P.J. O'Rourke

- An interview with Kinky Friedman
- An Interview with Mark Ebner (Six Degrees of Paris Hilton)
- An Interview with Dossie Easton (The Ethical Slut)
- An Interview with Anna David (Party Girl)
- Making Peace with Nick McDonell

- Could William Shatner Defeat Kirk?
- Equality of Tyrants vs. Freedom of Bigots
- Are You Retarded for Saying "Retarded"?
- Atonement for Assholes
- Twitter Archive February-May 2009

- Twitter Archive June 2009

- Twitter Archive July 2009

- Twitter Archive August 2009

- Twitter Archive September 2009

- Twitter Archive October 2009

- Twitter Archive November 2009

- Twitter Archive December 2009

Age 25 | 2008
- McCainiac No More: Why This Maverick is Voting Obama

- Election Reflections 2008
- Live Blogging the First Day of Gay Marriage in California

- Barack Obama Eased My White Guilt For White Flight

- The Cunning Linguist: An Obituary for George Carlin
- Grumpy Old Man: An interview with Sissy Nation author John Strausbaugh
- My Guilty Pleasure: Paul McCartney's Solo Years
- Pork Barrel Politics
- Electoral Eugenics
- Primal Scream Therapy with Tortured Authors: Marty Beckerman vs. Matthue Roth
- My First Noel: Why Christmas Kicks the Living Shit Out of Hanukkah

- Help, I Broke My Dick!

- Picard for President: Why the (Other) Bald Captain of the Enterprise is a Better Leader than Bush

- Fuck the Homeless

- Marty vs. Mouse

- The Secrets of Successful Racism
- An Interview with Matt Taibbi
- Premature Education?
- The Freedom to Free Ball: On the Right to Bare Arse
- Dude, That's Schmucked Up!
- Why Libertarians Are Douche Bags
- Daze of Atonement: My Failed Quest for Forgiveness

- Youngsters of Zion: Fear and Kvetching in Jerusalem
- Paging Dr. Ruth
- A Review of Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide to Emo Culture
- I Love Alcohol: Lyrics to Never Recorded Song

- Agnostic Love Poem

- The Lair of Sodomy Blog (2007-2008)

Age 23 | 2006
- Marty Beckerman Gets Fucked in the Ass by His Girlfriend and the Dildo of Revenge
- Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Friend: A Very Short Story
- A Review of It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
- Why I'm Jealous of Ned Vizzini
- The Lair of Sodomy Blog (2006)

Age 22 | 2005
- GOParty Animals

- My Awkward Chat with Bret Easton Ellis, author of American Psycho
- An interview with Stephen Chbosky, author of The Perks of Being a Wallflower
- The Lair of Sodomy Blog (2005)

Age 21 | 2004
- The Most Emo Thing Ever Written

- 2084: A Short Story
- George Bush and John Kerry, Suck My Fucking Cock

Age 20 | 2003
Age 19 | 2002
- Warmongers vs. Hippies
- Rocketman vs. Grocery Store
- All Panties to the Ground: A Review of Make Every Girl Want You
Age 18 | 2001
- Child Beauty Queens are Abhorrent, Their Parents Should Be Pulverized By Crazed Baboons, and Other Original Thoughts

- A Treatise On Cheap Erotica
- A Review of Look Into My Eyes: How to Use Hypnosis to Bring Out the Best in Your Sex Life
- A Review of The Kids Own XYZ of Love and Sex
- Marty Goes to College

Age 17 | 2000
- My Make-Out Session with Watermelon Tits

- Looking for Pussy and Finding Jesus Instead

- You Just Can't Lose When Jesus Is On Your Cheerleading Squad

- My Investigative Report On the Chippendales Male Revue (Or, "Hey, Look At All Those Heaving, Throbbing White Cocks!")

- Gun-Toting, Meat-Eating Males Agree: Real Men Enjoy Guns, Meat
- Groovy Times at Hemp Fest
- Disturbing News From Overseas: Girls Pee Too
- You Go, Yoga Yahoos
- I'm Staying Home On Prom Night Because a Girl Won't Go with Me Because I'm Just Too Hairy
- Rover Gets Buff
- Always Hate Gorks: My Visit to the Renaissance Fair

- You're Going to Hell for Trick-or-Treating: My Sickeningly Spiritual Evening at the Holy-Ween Carnival

- Marty vs. Censorship II

Age 16 | 1999
- Marty Beckerman Turns 16
- Smoking Pot: The First Time

- Be Cool
- ...And Boy, Are My Arms Tired!
- Hasidic Drug Ring: Un-Kosher Dealing
- How to Stop the Youth of America from Smoking Cigarettes: Make the Youth of America Smoke Cigarettes
- Stealing the Street Sign
- Vote for Me, Marty B.
- Rehab for a Chat Room Addict
- Elvis Maniacs
- One Day at the Gym and I Want to Die
- Safety First
- Plunging Toward Oblivion
- Abracadabra, Children Are Abominations
- Further Evidence: Children Are Abominations
- Marty vs. Censorship
- My Chat with Henry Rollins, Punk Rock Legend

Age 15 | 1998
- Alien Abduction: It Could Happen to You

- Meninism: The Only Cure for Anti-Male Sexism

- Prom Paranoia
- Stop Leo-Mania Before It's Too Late
- Drinking and Driving: Safer than Driving and Aging
- Body Piercing: The Cool Way to Bleed
- Poetry Sucks
- My Interview with God
- Finding God in Killer Cereal
- Devouring the Vege-Nazis
- Miss America
- The Martha Stewart Good Things Group
- Today's Teens Are Tomorrow's Geezers





